Welcome To My Life

im not lonely... just lonely... a going to be loner...

2006-12-25T07:41:00.000-08:00

Lonely im so lonely,
I have nobody,
To call my owwnnn
Im so lonely, im mr. Lonely
I have nobody,
To call my owwnnn
Im so lonely,

Yo this one here goes out to all my playas out there ya kno got to have one good girl whose always been there like ya
Kno took all the bullshit then one day she cant take it no more and decides to leave

I woke up in the middle of the night and I noticed my girl wasn't by my side, coulda sworn I was dreamin, for her I was
Feenin, so I hadda take a little ride, back tracking ova these few years, tryna figure out wat I do to make it go bad, cuz
Ever since my girl left me, my whole life came crashin

Im so lonely (so lonely),
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own) girl

Cant belive I hadda girl like you and I just let you walk right outta my life, after all I put u thru u still stuck
Around and stayed by my side, what really hurt me is I broke ur heart, baby you were a good girl and I had no right, I
Really wanna make things right, cuz without u in my life girl

Im so lonely (so lonely)
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody to call my own)
To call my own (to call my own) girl

Been all about the world ain't neva met a girl that can take the things that you been through
Never thought the day would come where you would get up and run and I would be out chasing u
Cuz aint nowhere in the globe id rather be, aint noone in the globe id rather see then the girl of my dreams that made me
Be so happy but now so lonely

Im so lonely (so lonely)
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own) girrll

Never thought that id be alone, I didnt hope you'd be gone this long, I jus want u to call my phone, so stop playing girl and
Come on home (come on home), baby girl I didn't mean to shout, I want me and you to work it out, I never wished Id ever
Hurt my baby, and its drivin me crazy cuz...

Im so lonely (so lonely)
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own)

Im so lonely (so lonely)
Im mr. Lonely (mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own) girll

Lonely, so lonely
So lonely, (so lonely),
Mr. Lonely, so lonely
So lonely, so lonely, (so lonely), Mr. Lonely

watch the highlighted wordings.. it meant something...

trying...

2006-12-14T06:32:00.000-08:00

sometimes when you try there will always be things that prevent it from happening. sometimes when you try too hard your effort might be in vain as it will surely failed. to try is to show courage and strength surpass most humans. because not everybody can try. to try is to need the push and pull that get someone really going to the max to achieve it. if that particular person try and preserver they will finally get what they want as they really deserve it, why? because they truly deserve it. and the blogger really admire those who try and preserver to get what they want. it is truly a kind of motivation to the blogger.

why do people try? to try is to make an effort that really put oneself ahead of the pack. to try is to achieve something desired. everybody try something in this world even as you people read this blog some one is trying something.

the blogger try a lot of things in life but frankly the blogger experience a lot of mishap and things that just get in the way preventing things from happening. take for example when studying for exams, that night itself the bloggers favorite TV programme is telecast. so, to choose sometimes is to decide ones future as these trying and choosing tinging can really be the reason for a change in a persons life. sometimes, the little things in life is the one that decide our fate.

so is to try a risk or just a paradox of life? the blogger thinks neither is right nor wrong as the blogger thinks that to try is to take the first step of changing to something better or good.

what is the limits of trying? the blogger thinks the limits of trying is the sky, meaning theres no limit. everything impossible is possible in life if we try. just look at the humble looking lights in our home and around the world. from an impossible invention to one of mens greatest marvel from the invention of the light bulb. from a out most impossible idea of lighting the world with lights to a common use now. who could predict the preserverence and the determination to try has create something so simple looking yet life changing. as Neil Armstrong says, this is one step for man and one big leap for mankind.

in conclusion... try... if you fail, try harder... if you still fail... think... then try even harder... to plan to try is like winning half of the battle then to try aimlessly... sometimes, even trying needs planning and preserverence... good luck trying...

she will be love...

2006-12-12T04:43:00.000-08:00

Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else

I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times but somehow
I want more

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get insecure
It doesn't matter anymore

It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls

i like the sentences of the white paragraph.. i can't explain exactly but i just like it a lot.. i dislike the red paragraph as i don't really like how it explains about the girl.. girls should be respected not used.. i just don like it.. its not me.. as a conclusion.. it is a lovely love song..

humans

2006-12-09T06:54:00.000-08:00

the definition of human in the dictionary means imperfect. so is the word imperfect stuck to us. then is the most prefect model in the world imperfect also? are the world leaders imperfect too? then why is this world been divided by different race, social class, economy class and political believes? infinite life have died for these aimless causes. it is true that simple words can be the downfall of a nation or an uprising of a revolution.

even now after more than a decade world war 2 have left us humans still think that they are perfect. while their very name "human" is another word for imperfect. but this time its different. it is not about conflicts between countries or whatsoever. (seriously, i think only when there is no humans left in this world, then the constant fighting between countries will end.)( it seems that world war 3 will happen soon if the world leaders do not do something that uses the brain more than the ego and jealousness that they are born with.) it more about the affairs of the human feelings now. if humans are imperfect then why are we attracted to each other? does imperfect and imperfect combine become more imperfect or becomes perfect? i will leave the answers to the individual reading this blog. another question pop up in my mind right now. how do humans judge other humans? i mean imperfect judging the imperfect? what has this world gone to man... but i know that the word "intelligence", "knowledge" and "love" surpass all boundaries and these words are the reasons why we live prosperously and leisurely now. simple words can be so hard, but it can turn people's world upside down. don't understand my sentence? read between the lines...

advise to those taking exams...

2006-12-09T04:57:00.000-08:00

2007 have been a complete life changing experience to me. this is the first year i have two class. this is the first year i am schooling in a polytechnic. this is the first year i have some sort taste the fruits of my o-levels. i have worked very hard for my o-levels and going to Republic Polytechnic itself have been one of the fruits of my hard work. i am sure tens of thousands of people that is in my age range also experience that. not all are that fortunate. but try harder you guys. maybe it is the technique of studying that is wrong. one advise from THE ROCK...

when studying, start with something simple because that simple topic or question could be the cause of your downfall in your war against TIME in the exam hall. trust me. been there, done that. but i manage to work out a plan to overcome the problem. especially for maths paper. sometimes simple problems can be tricky, the thing that will rob TIME away from us. always remember that TIME when you know how to wield it, it will be your best friend. but when TIME wield you, then say good bye to your future and results. be prepared to RETAIN... oh... how i hate that word.

one of the worst days in my life this year...

2006-12-08T07:07:00.000-08:00

PRIDE..
EGOISM..
VANITY..
SELF IMPORTANCE..
BIG HEADED..
HIGH AND MIGHTY..
PROUD..
VAIN..
SUPERIOR..
CONCEITED..

leads to...

DISCOURAGE..
DEPRESS..
SADDEN..
DAMPEN..
DISAPPOINT..
DISHEARTEN..
HOPELESS..
DEJECTED..
VERY UNHAPPY..
SAD..
GLOOMY..
DOWNCAST..
CRESTFALLEN..
DEFLATED..
DISCONSOLATE..

hope next year everything will be better..
time to think about new year resolution..
and be discipline enough to stay with it until the next next year...

when you thought you had all the answers...

2006-12-06T21:07:00.000-08:00

when men thought they know the world inside out. they are wrong. they don't even have been to the most bottom est of the ocean because men's technology is still limited. when men thought they knew the outer space, they are dead wrong again. until now even the description of the solar system is based on guessing and prediction. men have no real prove of any of their statement about the solar system.

for your information, we live with mysteries surrounding us. we look up to the space we saw mystery. we look down to the ocean we saw mystery of the ocean. the worst part of the mystery is that men do not even know themselves!!! men do not even know how exactly our body work. especially the men's heart and feelings. as the first queen Elizabeth of England said, "the hardest thing to govern is the heart." but the blogger is not focusing on love now because he knew that love is something way too divine and way too great to be explain. let experience tell the story. the blogger is focusing more on human devilish behavior and how human can be much more worst than an animal. thats why when people got injury like a leg injury or any form of injury that is not purposely or unintentionally being inflicted to them. sometimes it is not an accident. it is more of a punishment from god to them for the wrong things that they do. examples of the wrong things is to keep things from his own friend, like somethings that his friend really need to know but he kept it a secret for his own selfish reasons. he is a good friend in front of his friend but he talks behind his friend to other people. the blogger call this kind of people the best actors ever walk on earth. but the blogger know that god is great. god know who is the real good and bad people in this world. that is why when people see accidents happening to other people the blogger see that those people is actually being punish for their unseen crime. punishments doesn't only come physically, it also come as other forms like serious illnesses that someone have been experiencing just recently. when you have illnesses since born or during childhood it is not a punishment from god. it is something that is fated to the one being chosen. most call it a test from god. this test will make the chosen ones more stronger than those that have no sickness at all.

not all injury or sickness that happen to men is a form of punishment. sometimes it is a form of rest, development of the body and also the changing of the environment, meaning weather changes.

if you don't understand what i am talking about, it is because you act not to know anything and you are the ones being punish by god. if you do understand what i am talking about, repent and realize your mistakes before its too late. this advise is not merely for you guys out there reading this blog, it is for the one writing it too. may god have mercy for those "friendly" back stabbers.

comments on starting holiday in the middle of the week...

2006-12-05T21:06:00.000-08:00

until now, i still cannot figure out our schools system. how did they manage to come up with having holidays on the middle of a weekday. i thought of finding a job but have no mood to find it now because it is still in the middle of the week, no the start of the week. it is like i have no mood whatsoever to do anything now. i already have a very bad day yesterday and now this. holiday in the middle of the week. everything i plan is being jam. i thought if the holidays starts next Monday i will start working because actually i already have a job vacancy waiting for me to start work. and now a few of my friends want the same job too. to my friends who want this job, just prepare your printed IC and printed first two page of your bankbook so that they can transfer your pay straight to your bank account. i already have this job since the start of the year. every time i want it, it is there for me. not bragging lah but it is the fact. it is nothing actually just a simple job with a below average pay. hahaha... ya... a below average pay.

my other friends from different polytechnics they will only start their holiday next week i think, according to them. but strange our polytechnic system is huh? it is not that i am not happy with the system as a whole but it is just this holiday date tinging that is very strange.

now i am stuck at home planning on what to do for next week. i have wasted the precious time now in my home. when i can do wonders outside i am now confine to staring at this lovely laptop typing out this blog listening to songs. its not that i hate my home, i love it. this is where i grew up and this where i do everything before going out facing the world and its challenges. it is just that i would prefer doing something now rather then staring aimlessly at my lovely laptop. by the way don't think i am a geek ah that i always say "lovely laptop". it is just that with this laptop as a medium i have found knowledge, friends, connecting me to the world and lots more other stuff. god is to be thanked for all this. the gift of knowledge has bring us humans closer to each other and more knowledge gain with the touch of a button. you guys may found me as a weirdo but i respect the things that has "given" and done good to me even though it is a laptop or a pencil. things that you guys take for granted i take it seriously and respectably as i know that even without a simple eraser, one day we will find ourselves in trouble in the exam hall. i speak through my own experience. not having a calculator for maths paper 2 would have been disastrous.

even in my uniform group days and in my martial days right now, i have been taught to be respectful and to not take simple things for granted as it would one day save our life. lets take for example, i forgot to bring my spectacle hooks for my foot drill training during my uniform group days lah. i must march without my whole spectacles with me just because i forgot to bring my spectacle hooks. and on that particular day, i march burly. making mistakes after mistakes. then i receive punishment after punishment the whole damn day just because i forgot to bring my spectacle hooks. can you guys imagine that?

back to the topic... i still am trying to think and figure out how to manipulate this school system for my own advantage.

time really fly... so fast we will be apart again... thank you friends...

2006-12-04T07:25:00.000-08:00

well guys... looks like tomorrow (5 December 2006) will be the last day i will be seeing you guys this year... time past by so fast man... just when i thought of bonding with my semester one friends suddenly it ended... but luckily i manage to defeat the greatest CS player of my last semester's class... hahaha... you guys know who... i stole his title as the king of the king in CS and defeated him in a handicap match... beat him by 100 kills to 70 kills... man i train hard to beat this guy... his skills just surpass mine and one day i will fight him again and he will surely get his title back... it has been a month i think since i play CS... my skills has really go down the drain... now i focus more on my health and well being then all these things... hahaha... i still remember those days guys... then i still remember when Vincent was sexually harass by a few girls in our class and he take revenge by being childish and doing funny stuff... from the last semester i can conclude that i have brought some of my secondary schools attitude to RP... man how i hate that... it make me look like a immaturish basket... damn... but what is done is to be learned... things happen for a reason... maybe because of my nuisance attitude, i still have friends from the last semester... hahaha...

for this semester friends... i know that i am not as close to you guys as i am to my last semester friends... but you guys have been very good to me and very warmth towards me and i really appreciate that and thank you guys... i have made quite a few horny friends from this semester... never have i had some people watching porn during class man... and this is the first time i experienced this... hahaha... you guys are just damn funny man... horny funny... this semester friends even though i am not very close to you guys but the time spent with you guys really has changed me partially as a whole... i can see the difference from me last semester and me this semester... well i know that i cannot judge myself so i ask my THE BROTHERHOOD friends... they agree to my statement... hahaha... i apologize for not really showing myself to this semesters friends thats why i have come up with this blog so that i can express myself but my expression has gotten strong opposition by "some" people, thats why i have to change my writing style...

to my THE BROTHERHOOD friends... i think we should change it to THE FELLOWSHIP OF ISLAM... that sound nicer as we are all Muhammad's and we are all Muslims right??? hahaha... we can decide later... since this semester i have come up with the idea of this fellowship because to tell you guys the truth i know that i will not be as close to my this semesters friends then the last semester so i need some kind of friendship security in RP... thats why i have specially chosen the good attitude boys like you guys to be in the fellowship... i am sorry for not telling the truth in the very beginning but remember what i always say... EVERYTHING THAT I DO AND DECIDE HAVE ITS PURPOSE... just listen and execute it sincerely... why do i need the friendship security is that in case if i need help in my problem statement going out to eat or going gym with me or even participate CE activities with me to gain points... but don't misunderstood me my dear brothers... i am doing this not only for my own good, but for your own good too... just see our bonding and friendship now... its getting closer day by day... i can sense it my dear brothers... may this brotherhood last till NS at least or until all of us got girlfriend lah... hahaha... since we are all still singles i know there are some people saying that our group is a bunch of gays and stuff... remember my brothers of ISLAM... do not be deceive by the devil... it is the devil in human form that is trying to separate us... remember our islamic teachings and believe... how the devil try his best to separate the prophet from his sahabats... this is happening to us i think... hahaha...

finally to those who celebrate Christmas i sincerely wish you guys a merry Christmas and happy new year... to my Muslims friends i wish Selamat Hari Raya Korban... maybe in the holidays i will forget to update and write new post so may this conclude this years activity... hahaha... i will write a few more post as the evaluation and conclusion... may god bless us all...

the current local affairs...

2006-12-03T02:53:00.000-08:00

hhmm... it has been such along time since i wrote or even talk about politics and the current world affairs... but this time i will not be biased as i know that some government organisation will surely track me down if i do that and i will be in RP anymore... i hate that... i will write more about the topics on stavation, proverty and the increasing AIDS patient in Singapore and more about social base topics then politics lah... as i say... i will change my style of writing my blog right??? so now i am changing it... hope you guys enjoy it and be involve in my discussion... thank you...

well... today i am going to talk about the increasing number of AIDS patiences in Singapore... hhmm... what do you guys think? why has it increase? is it because of the metropolitan state that we are in now? or is it because we have lost our culture and believes that we are living like the western countries? free unprotected sex baby!!! is it like that??? if you guys have read the newspapers lately, there are increasing number of Singaporeans having AIDS... what, in Singapore dont sell condoms any more ah? or is the price of condoms too expensive or is everyone here just to horny and no time to wear condoms when going to make love? WHAT THE HELL MAN... i thought being a educated bunch of people has made us more mature and more wise to think of the consequences of making love... maybe the next 10 years when i am travelling in a train, all the passenger have AIDS is it??? a new trend ah? have AIDS after sex... funny man you people... you guys see people doing it in the parks, toilets and even in multi storey carparks you guys also want to try out is it??? ya... i know we are teenagers and i am one to but we have our limits lah... where is our culture? our tradition? and where is our believes? i believe that all religions prohibit premarital sex right? ya... i know that each of us want to try to have sex because we see in the rated movies about the pleasures and fantasy of having sex right??? come on lah people... do you guys know why animals except for chimpanzees have AIDS??? isnt it obvious? they dont practise free sex... you guys want to know how to animals make love? i tell you... the females will only mate with the strongest male around and by this the females only mate if they want to have babies.. not for fun or fantasy like us humans... why do chimpanzees have AIDS is because they are like us... every where see female chimpanzees they mate with them... just like us humans, thats why i think we are related... HAHAHA... no offence...

now you guys may wonder how i found this information right? i tell you... read more books on animals then you will know... instead of thinking how to make love and the position of making love... ( man, thats disgusting) we should read more on books like this... if we were to know ourself better then read more about the animals, because we humans follow the animals for inventions such as the airplane and things lah. find out yourself... now i am asking you guys to follow the animals like the birds not to practise casual sex all around... only mental people practise frequent casual unprotected sex because they are sex maniacs and i pity those girls for giving up their future to this kind of men... love is blind huh???

THIS ADVISE IS FOR THOSE WHOM DO NOT BELIEVE IN GOD, to those who believe in GOD... then you know what will happen to you in the afterlife if you guys make this terrible SIN... repent before its too late... and to those you guys whom want to try out... i say, dont just stop there, make babies if you want to... i dont give a damn because it is not my life that i am ruining... it is your own life... peace out and think twice...

what has happen to my blog???

2006-12-02T09:00:00.000-08:00

can anybody help me... my blog site seem to have some pop up problem... out of sudden strange pop ups appear from my blog site... i found out there are two pop ups... man i wish i can just sue those freaks who put the pop ups there...

some bodys gonna get a hurt really badly if my pop ups is not gone...

but... nvm... for your info i am deleting this blog soon and replacing it with another one which is much better and more pleasing to read... it will be more of everything but only less expressive.. so you guys wont get to see me realeasing my anger and unhappiness any more... i have limit myself to this state because i have surveyed my close friends for their insight on my blog site and i have decided to delete this blog soon and make another new one... a much better one... this new blog will be more informative and more like a report than a diary... well.. maybe some times it will be like a journal... i am now figuring out the name of my new blog site and stuff like that... by next year it will be ready... but if any one of you people have comment or anything to say just feel free to IM me or ask me...

a positive day...

2006-12-02T03:00:00.000-08:00

hello world!!! or should i say... finally... The Rock has come back... to blog... sigh**

OK... this day is a very interesting day for me because i learn quite alot today... No... i did not learn math or science or even how to beat up my people... hahaha... well... not actually beating people up lah but more on the basics... let me tell you guys what happen... just relax, enjoy and pardon my english...

7.30am... i am suppose to meet up with my judo friends to go to the grading place... the grading place is actually at Bouna Vista... the place is very deep inside private properties and at that place, they are dosens of Ang Mohs (whitemen) in expensive cars and walking their dogs along the streets. there are only one bus connecting the judo federation and civilisation, bus 191... as i was saying, i was to meet up with my judo friends at this time but i was at in the MRT at that time... i overslept... my chair said that if i was 5 mins late, they would have left without me... hahaha... i want to take this opportunity to thank all my judo friends for the waiting and i apologise for the late coming... and thank you for the smiles that you guys give me even though i am late... hahaha... peace out guys...

8.30am... the test was suppose to start but the admin there is not up to standard... the place is very cosy and even though old, it is an honour for me to be there as i know that not much of these heritage buildings are left in Singapore... we waited for about half an hour because of some technical and human errors... we have to wait patiently but i thank god for letting me rub shoulders with a 9th dan black belt!!! can you guys just believe it!!! a 9th dan black belt!!! an old and wise man, very warmth and stern at the same time... he told us some stories and also teach us a lot of things... maybe for most of you guys that do not practise martial arts and know its ways you guys do not know the meaning of 9th dan black belt... right??? but nevermine... maybe in my next few blog i will explain more on it or maybe if you guys really want to know about the colors and the different stages of belts, then IM me and ask me... i will always be there... even if i put busy on my nick, just IM me because i will still find time to entertain you guys... hahaha... but when i put away*, out to lunch* and be right back*... i meant what i put...

10.30am... finished the grading and got one surprise from them... but i am not going to tell.. just wait for another three more month... hahaha... you guys will be surprise positively...

11.30am... on my way home...

4.30pm... i attend a wedding function my mother mother's side... meaning my grandmothers side... as some of you guys would have known... i am not a pure malay... i am a mix... if you want to know what kind of mix i am... IM me... ask me... and so when i got there i met my relatives some i know and a lot i do not know... for your information i have a huge.. and i mean a huge.. family members... do you guys have a great great grand mother??? no??? dont know??? i know i have and i just sat beside her just now to eat together... hahaha...

anyway i will write more blog later... chao...

evaluation... conclusion...

2006-11-25T01:40:00.000-08:00

i just want to thank all of you peeps whom has been reading my blog since it began last month. unbelivably, it has reached over 1000 viewers. all of my content in my blog after i have read it myself is actually quite offensive, it shows my unhappiness, my anger, my frustration with some people that i know in school and also the negative side of me. to tell you guys frankly, after i have read my own blog, i found that i am a bit cuckoo at some point. getting angry for nothing. let me tell you guys the truth of my feelings. imagine you guys are being gifted with fighting skills and strength far beyond your own control. plus you train your body and exercise regularly to keep fit and to improve your capablities. now, imagine that they are people whom is not happy with you and they constantly provoke, talking bad things behind your backs and intimidate you by any means possible. now think that you have the power, strength and skill to not only beat them up, but to the extend of killing these people but you are confine with your principles and believe. strike only when being striked. but everyday, there are surely something that disturbs and harrass your peace. if you were me, what would you guys do? feeling stress? depress? no no no. i am not that type of person. i am not going to give up on life just because of these pests. i am a fighter. not only physically, but also mentally. i will fight till the end. but to tell you guys the truth, this thing has actually affected my life as a whole. this things has made me more sensitive, more selfish, more introvert and has made me to make a lot, and i mean a lot of wrong and hurtful decisions in life. both to the people close to me and to myself. i am aware of all this things happening. all the wrong desicion made. even after realising it i still continue to do things that hurts. i always talk about to be myself and to live alone and stuff like that in my blog. please understand that i do this because i am trying to avoid people that is close to me from getting hurt for something they did not do. i am trying to confine myself. i have even put song lyrics saying that i am walking away from troubles not because i am walking away from it, it is actually because i am trying to avoid the one that is close to me from getting hurt again and again. i have ask people that i trust most in my life and i got the advise that i should not mix up my enemy and the ones that are close to me. this is my battle, my fight, my war and i am not going to let the people that i care for suffer for it. i have to face this alone. only then i will be able to define and to be myself. this is my 31 posts and one more thing. my enemies, who are they. let me tell you this for now. these people are the real shrewd, the real actors and the one that play nice infront and play dirty behind. they are humans. boys lah of course. but this is no ordinary warfare. it is more like a phycological warfare. and about the friends not being there for me. hahaha. when i am sick, i always talk trash. i know there are lots of people that care for me. it is just that that day when i cry, i didnt ask for any help from anybody.

friday 24 november 2006

2006-11-24T06:57:00.000-08:00

hhmm... quite a lot of things happen this past week... if you guys read my 19 november post you guys may have known what i have been upto this past week... busy busy busy... then sudddenly... my recovering sickness came back with avengence... my fever has gone but then the flu came... not bird flu or sars guys... just normal flu... but this flu really has make me drop to my knees man... for your info... who says the rock never cry??? i just cry this past week man... damn... a man shouldnt cry to show his toughness and manlyness... but this flu has really taken a toll on me man... let me tell you guys wat happen on last thursday during my culture module...

9 am... i felt very cold and giddy plus i just ate my medicine from home so the drug affect still make me kind of high.

11am... the medicine affect is gone... and the coldness is terrible. i forgot to bring my medicine and i forgot to bring my sweater cum jacket to school so the flu strike swift and without mercy.

exactly 11.30am to 11.50am... i got out of my class because i cannot stand the cold then i bring my laptop with me to do my PPT. i rest and laid at the pantry... alone... shivering of coldness... then... finally... the rock cried... tears ran down my cheeks... i just can no longer stand the coldness and the pressure of having to complete the PPT in time... i struggled doing my PPT and at the same time crying, praying and hoping that god give me the strength to at least not making me faint because i am already seeing double at that time... my head need rest but all those thinking and PPT stuff has made my head... spinning.. and spinning.. i almost vomitted there and then too...
for your info.. nobody was there at that moment.. no close friends.. no classmates.. no friends from last semester.. no brotherhood.. no one is there for me when i am really in deep SHIT!!! ya.. i do have a handful of you guys asking me how am i feeling and getting me stuff and i really appreciate it.. thank you guys.. from the bottom of my heart.. you know who you are..
that is why every single thing that i put in my blog is not for fun or for entertainment purposes... even the song lyrics describe my feelings... every single word.. even the song I BELIEVE... expresses my deepest feelings... only the C-box is just an extra thing for me to catch up with my old friends...
that is why i say... i live alone and i die alone... it is true.. when i was in trouble last thursday.. nobody was there.. i have to act as if i am capable of doing and completing the PPT because i was the leader and i was the one who come up with the idea of Puteri Gunung Ledang myth and legend... i told you guys before that i am a man of my word... and if i start something... the rock will finish it even if it is a matter of life and death.. seriously guys.. you guys do not know me yet.. how determined i can become.. how i will sacrifice everything to accomplish my goals and targets... and thank god i am the SURVIVOR and god not only gives my strength, but also gives me a good mood... sick but good mood...

this weekend i will spend it preparing for my UT next week and i will rest for my OWN health...
ya.. alone.. i am the selfish, introvert, sun of a gun rite... and i say yes i am... and i am proud to be one... because there is no one else who will help us in this life except for god and ourself. FRIENDS WILL ONLY BE THERE WHEN YOU DONT NEED THEM, BUT WHEN YOU DO... THEY WILL LEAVE YOU DEAD ALONE ALL BY YOURSELF...

i have truly learnt the real meaning of having friends in Republic Poly... and i thank god for showing me the bad side of life here first hand... thank you god... i have grown from this experience and from this incident... and i will be more prepared next time... next week will come and i will continue to learn more about life...

REMEMBER... DONT BLAME ME FOR BEING EVIL OR UNMERCYFUL NEXT TIME BECAUSE IT IS YOU PEOPLE THAT TEACHES ME TO BE WHAT I AM RIGHT NOW...
and i wont give a damn even if you beg...

you give me wings...

2006-11-24T06:43:00.000-08:00

Sometimes it’s hard just to be yourself
I know you know
So close to tears wanting to give up
I felt all alone
But now you’re here by my side
And I just want you to know
You give me wings when I’m falling
You lift me up when I’m down
Taking me high touching the sky
And you make me fly
Now I am stronger than I was before
Because of you
I feel so alive and I’m wanting more
I can’t believe it’s true
But now you’re here by my side
Don’t ever let me go
You give me wings when I’m falling
You lift me up when I’m down
Taking me high touching the sky
And you make me fly
Ooo baby, woao wooao
Come fly away with me
You give me wings when I’m falling
That’s why I’m saying to you
Whoa
You give me wings when I’m falling
You lift me up when I’m down
Taking me high touching the sky
And you make me fly
(2 x)You give me wings

i am walking away from the troubles in my life...

2006-11-22T04:53:00.000-08:00

I'm walking away, from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away, oh to find a better day
I'm walking away, from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away, oh to find a better day
I'm walking away
Sometimes some people get me wrong, when it's something
I've said or done
Sometimes you feel there is no fun, that's why you turn and run
But now I truly realise, some people don't wanna compromise
Well, I saw them with my own eyes spreading those lies, and
Well I don't wanna live my life, too many sleepless nights
Not mentioning the fights, I'm sorry to say lady
I'm walking away, from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away, oh to find a better day
I'm walking away, from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away, oh to find a better day
I'm walking away Well, I'm so tired baby
Things you say, you're driving me away
Whispers in the powder room baby, don't listen to the games they play
Girl I thought you'd realise, I'm not like them other guys
Cos I saw them with my own eyes, you should've been more wise and
Well I don't wanna live my life, too many sleepless nights
Not mentioning the fights, I'm sorry to say lady
I'm walking away, from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away, oh to find a better day
I'm walking away, from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away, oh to find a better day
I'm walking away

kau pergi jua...

2006-11-21T05:52:00.000-08:00

Wajahmu..
Seindah serinya pelangi yang indah
Seharum mawar putih segar berkembang
Wajahmu
Mengapa sering terbayang di mataku
Sehingga terbawa di dalam mimpiku
Sayangku
Tahukah kau di dalam hatiku ini
Tersimpan perasaan cinta nan suci
Kau bunga
Ingin kusuntingmu menjadi milikku
Lantas ku abadikan dalam jiwaku
Sayangnya
Harapan yang selama ini ku bawa
Hancur berkecai musnah jua akhirnya
Semuanya bagaikan sebuah mimpi
Kau pergi jua
Setelah cinta ku kini membara
Belum sempat ku curahkan kasihku
Kau pergi tak kembali...

my life for this coming week...

2006-11-19T02:41:00.000-08:00

i can already predict that this coming week will be a drag for me because of my sickness and my ever tight schedule. i think i need to finally quit one of my IGs because i am just too pack nowadays. no time for my family, no time for myself, no time to even cut my nails, do you know where i cut my nails last week? its at the staircase!!! during break time somemore!!! damn there are so many things that i like in this school but i am a human being whom is weak and due to anything like sickness or just simply pure bad mood. i am still sick when i am writing this post. and to top it all some people in school does not even understand the things that i am in. they only want the best and the tip top condition from me.

plus this week i must help to prepare some kind of proposal for a christmas party. being part of X-synthesis really boost my confidence and help me in event managing but it also take away my time for the rest of other things that i love to do like going to the GYM for example.

but i know... greatness knows no limits... if i want to be great... i must look and achieve beyond the horizon... lucky for me not everyone hate me in school... i still have the support from people around me... thank you god... just a few "people" whom is just not happy with my existence in this world.. man if only there are no laws in this world.. i would be glad to finish off this "people" with my special "one hit KO" trade mark finisher which i learn from my martial arts classes, basically i just combine and edit the moves so that it is original and so that no other form of martial arts can defend or run away from my "one hit KO" finisher. how i wish that day would come after i get my DIPLOMA cert because i will be needing these "people" to help me to get my cert. as i always says, "i love those people whom hate me and are jealous of me because you guys give me the purpose to life..."

most probably this week i would be very pack and hopefully my sickness will subside so that i will have that extra energy to go through this definitely pack week. got to prepare and be ready for lots of stuff. and this week i will have to be strong mentally and physically to because this week i will get hell if i am not careful.
may god have mercy on me and may god help me through this week with patience and strength that i will really need. amin...

my favourite english artist for now

2006-11-18T10:53:00.000-08:00

christina aguilera with her song HURT and BEAUTIFUL...
why her and why her songs... hhmm... well it is because she is quite beautiful herself... hahaha... and her songs really suits my life nowadays... who says poly life is fun??? i use to get the idea of happy poly life but instead it is very much about learning how to care, fend and have a good social life... people can hurt you and treat you like a piece of shit but you cannot hurt them even the slightest word as they will tell the world that your bad and evil... typical of us humans...
james blunt with his song GOOD BYE MY LOVER and YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL...
why his song and why him... i am not GAY... but his songs really nice to listen and his lyrics is really very catchy... i really admire his guts for singing about the girl that left him but if i were him i would have moved on already.. they are plenty of even better girls out there now that he has the fame and popularity.. no offence but life goes on and by moving on we mature further.. much further.. and we might be surprised at the amount of girls available around us.. we need to be brave and have the guts and look around.. thats all.. hahaha.. i am just guessing it.. never been in his situation before.. so desperate for his one true love.. and he is also the most romantic and "one man one woman kind of guy" as he still remember her.. i really admire this guy..

it is really hard to please others..

2006-11-17T09:44:00.000-08:00

it is really hard to make other people happy
even if you are sick you still have to please them
they dont understand your situation
who does?

nobody care about you
they only care for themselves
this is why life is unfair
because humans rule it

it is really hard to make other people happy
even if you die trying
they dont care
nobody care

you live alone
you die alone
friends are foes and backstabbers
enemies are devils in the making

you only have yourself
live free
rule your own life well
die well

i cant believe socialising is tough
thats why i love to be alone
no relationship whatsoever, no ties in an organisaton and no people to please for
but when i am alone people call me action and ignorant

thats why i love to be left alone
i need my personal space
i need freedom for myself
please understand WORLD

LET ME BE ME FOR NOW. WHEN THE TIME COMES, IT WILL COME.
A COMEBACK IS WHAT I PROMISE... FOR NOW...

friday november 17 2006

2006-11-17T06:34:00.000-08:00

today, all of a sudden i feel weak and sick when i woke up in the morning. my throat sore and whenever i swallow my saliva, it is like when someone swallowing 4 tablet of panadol at one go. my capable body felt very weak as if i have lost all the power that god has given me. it feels as if even someone as skinny as a bone and as weak as a piece of paper can give me one blow to knock me out. then i sweat a lot, as if i have exercise for a whole two hours none stop. but my body feels cold, very cold, like a spine chilling coldness that slips through my body right to my very flesh. my mum says my face look pale. i seriously dont know what to do or dont know what to do next. when i tried to stand up and walk my way to the toilet to bath for school, my head spin, as if i just came down from a roller coaster ride. i need to hold to the furniture in my house in order for me to just to stand up straight and to walk from the bedroom to the toilet.
man.. the experience was strange. my nose is runny since yesterday. thanks to my mum she advise me not to go to school today as i don look too good. but i have promise my judo seniors that i will come down for the event later today(5pm). but my mum says my health is far more important. i even plan to come to school in the afternoon after the friday prayers just to attend the event, but it is like my mind wanted to go but my body dont. and unfortunately i have eaten the medicine given by the doctor that makes me very drowsy. feel like the drug addicts in the movie you know, when they are high and stuff.

but i have to thank god for giving me this sickness today and now because of a few reasons. the first one is that when god give us something, like a sickness, or even a lottery strike. there are reasons behind it. i ask my mum why did god give me this sickness now? then my mum answered that things happen for a reason, she added that maybe if i come to school today something might have happen to me so thats why god give me this sickness, so that i am prevented from something. thats why in the last few days i have a feeling that something will happen, but i just dont know where and when. one more reason is that this sickness has make me rest. and i really need a rest after the suffering of reducing my weigh thinging has taken a toll of me. every single day i got back home late, like 8pm to the latest 9.30pm. i have work and play more then 12 hours a day. and i only sleep for 5 to 6 hours everyday. this "rest" is something i need very badly and god give the sickness to me to make me rest. thank you god... from the bottom of my heart.

from what i could remember, this is the first time in this year i am having a bad flu. and when i went to the doctor, ok.. before i continue my story i just want to add that this particular doctor is some what like my family doctor and i am really cared by him... so... back to the story... the doctor usually test my blood pressure whenever i visited him. usually to find news that says that i need to watch my weight, nothing serious really, but.. and i will repeat again but.. gladly he says i am a fine young man now and i am healthy. you guys see what this weigh lose program that i come up for myself has done to me, it has change my life for the better. he says continue to do what you are doing now and drink plenty of plain warm water, not cold water, just plain warm water. what i cannot believe is that all this while i have been exercising not in the gym but you guys know, the martial arts class and everything, the exersice regime is just not enough for me. thats another reason why i love to go to the gym now. i really improves my health tremendously after going to the gym for the past few weeks. thank you god for the health and prosperity...

FRIENDS ARE YOUR JOY AND GRIEF

2006-11-15T19:46:00.000-08:00

Should your friend really be a mirror
Yet in a hall of bright mirrors
Each but an angle on you
Should your friend be a treasure mountain
Refrain from greed to uncover
His life as four seasons enrich you
His poise unchanging to teach
Should your friend be the boundless ocean
He may not forbear you ever
Deep down the sea hides its sorrows
His tides to moisten your sand
Some friends you need like stairways
Some friends lie soft as pasture
Your friends are your joy and sorrow
Your heart their music to play
Deep down your heart strings its music
Deep down the sharp blade your own
The handle you pass to be wielded
Your joy and your sorrow to claim
Your kin bind you with your blood
Your partner you bind with vows
Acquaintance is bound for a season
Unasked for, Life richly endows
To part is not to be lost
To lose is to cease to recall
Your friend loses you by neglect
Your heart reclaims him through joy
As shoes march on together
Each is not like the other
And they keep their distance apart.

I am Beautiful...

2006-11-13T20:35:00.000-08:00

Everyday, is so wonderful. Then suddenly, it's hard to breathe. Now and then i get insecure. From all the pain, i'm so ashamed. I am beautiful, no matter what they say. Words can't bring me down. I am beautiful, in every single way. Yes, words can't bring me down. So dont you bring me down today. To all your friends, you're delirious. So consume in all your doom. Trying hard to fill the emptiness. The pieces gone, left the puzzle undone. Is that the way it is. You are beautiful, no matter what they say. Words can't bring you down. Coz you are beautiful in every single way. Yes, words can't bring you down. So don't you bring me down today. No matter what we do . No matter what we say. We're the song inside the tune. Full of beautiful mistakes. And everywhere we go. The sun will always shine. And tomorrow we might awake on the other side. Coz we are beautiful, no matter what they say. Yes, words won't bring us down, no. We are beautiful in every single way. Yes, words can't bring us down, no. So don't you bring me down today.

refresh... refine... and recharged...

2006-11-11T09:13:00.000-08:00

hari ini telah membawa makna terhadap hidupku... selama ini aku telah kehilangan arah dan tujuan hidup disebabkan oleh hidup yang penuh cabaran dan cobaan ini. aku telah berusaha dan berjuang semampu jasad ini membawa tetapi semakin aku menentang arus, semakin aku kehilangan dan semakin aku sesat dalam perjalanan hidup. aku tahu yang tuhan telah memberi aku cobaan ini kerana aku boleh menaganinya dan aku dipilih untuk melalui cabaran ini. aku tahu yang cobaan ini akan menjadikan aku lebih matang dan akan lebih meneguhkan lagi pendirian hidupku.
tetapi aku tidak menyangka cobaan akan datang bertubi-tubi dan menikam pelusuk hatiku bagaikan anak panah yang diasar sehingga sentuhannya boleh memotong kulit dan daging jasadku dengan senang sekali. tidak aku sangka cobaan terbesar manusia adalah dirinya sendiri dan jikalau kalah dalam perjuangan ini akan binasa badan dan masa depan. hari ini telah aku diketemukan dengan seseorang yang telah mengingatkan aku kembali diriku yang telah selama ini sesat entah kemana. aku tidak akan menunjuk jari dan menuduh kawan-kawan dan rakan-rakanku yang telah merubah hidup dan pendirian aku, yang telah menyebabkan aku terlupa tentang diriku dan yang telah membuatku terpedaya dengan bisikkan-bisikkan yang akan. ini semua akibat kelalaian dan kelupaan aku sebagai seorang manusia yang amat hina dan rendah diri ini. aku terlupa akan segala ajaran dan tunjukkan orang-orang dewasa kepada diriku.
apa-apa yang kita merancang selalunya ialah hanya untuk dirancang, bukan untuk ditentukan. tuhan yang menentukan segala-galanya... aku hanya boleh merancang dan terus merancang demi untuk mencapai apa yang dikehendaki...
sebenarnya, motivasi diri bukannya dari kawan dan keluarga... macam pepatah yang diriku sendiri fikirkan... ( experience and knowledge is what defines a man...) ia datang dari yang MAHA ESA...
aku telah banyak kali gagal dalam hidup di usia setahun jagung ini... hiduplah yang telah banyak mengajar aku tentang erti hidup, bukan cikgu di sekolah mahupun kawan-kawan yang kebanyakkanya melalaikan diriku.
tetapi walaubagaimanapun TUHAN telah memberiku satu lagi anugerah hidup iaitu (choice)... pilihan yang telah dan akan merubah hidupku, pilihan lah yang aku membentukku. jika aku tersalah pilih aku akan kecewa dan merana dan berkemungkinan aku akan kehilangan jasadku. jika aku pilih dengan bijak dan betul aku akan mencapai kejayaan and aku yang akan mendapat semua hasil pengorbanan dan hasil titik peluhku untuk aku menikmatinya. tetapi untuk mencapai kejayaan haruslah aku merenangi lautan api dan daratan yang setiap kali aku bertapak akan terpotong kulit dan isi tapak kakiku akibat potongan tanah dan rumput yang diibaratkan seperti mata pedng yang membelah-belah dan menikam-nikam dengan tanpa belah kasihan. inilah cobaan hidup kalau kamu mahu tahu.
(only the strong survive while the weak will lose out and die in the end...)

it is not easy when i want to have a body like the rock...

2006-11-10T08:41:00.000-08:00

i suffer a lot leh... haiya... every where aching like nobody's business... i really need to sacrifice a lot of things... like the food i eat.. the time i spent with my family and friends is affected... everything have to change... now then i know why a hunky guy is being traeted like an idol to girls surrounding him... you got to go through hell before you can change your body to become like the rock... the hunky delicious body whom every girl's desire...

i really hope that i can at least be more muscular like the rock by december 16th when i go for my reunion chalet with my secondary 3 friends... by the way... i have reduce more weigh.. its about another kilo... 8 more kilo to go... my main objective for doing this is to prove that i am capable of being not only strong but also hunky and i can have the body that i want... my choice... my life... my body...

i am still struggling to lose my weigh first at the same time must maintain my body for my martial arts classes... i don't want to be slim but have no strength when fighting people...

i am now really doing a lot of multi tasking like handling my IGs which i have join 4 IGs... i have a lot of outside commitments too and i have to spent time with my family and friends too... i really have to be more discipline than ever...

the most demanding part is food... i have a strict diet now as i must control my cravings for deep fried chicken wings and to stay away from too much energy giving food... man... i am really suffering especially when i have to watch what i eat.. although some times... i just eat them when i really cannot resist it...

after i achieve my desired CE points and get what i want... then i will ease off myself to enjoy RP like how i enjoy it in semester one... the good thing is that i constantly have the support from my family members and my friends like the MUHD BROTHERHOOD and other friends you guys know who you are... i deeply say my deepest gratitude for the support given and hope you guys can continue to support me until i achieve my desired goals... thank you once again...

i tell you guys one secret... the only way to my heart is through my stomach because i have great needs for delicious food... hahaha... the picture is courtesy from www.yahoo.com/pictures

the world all style martial arts competition held in RP today(november 10) and tomorrow(november 11)

2006-11-10T06:05:00.000-08:00

man... if only i join some club that has the connection for me to join this competition... i would have such a great time mixing around with the martil artist around the world... i just now saw a few russian chicks fighting... damn.. if only i join.. i would have ask for their email man... hahaha.. just joking...

if i join the competition i would be too busy fighting with hunky and more skilled fighters around the world...

back to reality... i have seen them fight and have learn some new techniques of their fighting style... i have seen how a guy two hit OK another guy with just a punch and a kick... man their strong... but i really like this kind of people because finally i feel that i belong to something big... i mean all this while i join martial art classes and though we martial artist are solitary species and dont have the fame and glory... but being even watching this world class competition i feel that this really motivates me to do my very best in martial arts training and to hopefully be joining the competition one day if i am chosen...

finally i feel that nobody there can say that i am a gay or that i am a freak or something... if only those people were present just now.. i think you guys would have been shock and be very careful next time you guys want to mess with a martial artist because... i am not going to tell anything because you people will say that i am bragging and i action alot... hahaha...

typical people whom is actually afraid of us but masked it by saying stuff that provoke and demotivates us... we martial artist are not like that people... we are still a human being... it is just that we love to learn new things like defending ourselves using our god give weapon... our body!!!

we martial artist are actually very quiet and very introvert and we don't like provokers like some of you readers... people like you love to provoke us to let us use our skills to hurt people... but don't worry... we are very patient people... martial artist have a code of conduct and honour that we must follow if we were to call ourselve martial artist... so do anything you guys like to us and we will try our best not to kill you... hahaha...

hurt...

2006-11-09T07:35:00.000-08:00

Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face. You told me how proud you were but I walked away. If I only I knew what I know today, ohhhh.
I would hold you in my arms. I would take the pain away. Thank you for all you've done. Forgive all your mistakes. There's nothing I wouldn't do. To hear your voice again. Sometimes I wanna call you but I know you won't be there.
Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you. For everything I just couldn't do. And I've hurt myself by hurting you.
Some days I feel broke inside, but I won't admit. Sometimes I just wanna hide cuz it's you I miss. You know it's so hard to say good-bye when it comes to this, ohhhh yeah.
Would you tell me I was wrong? Would you help me understand? Are you looking down upon me? Are you proud of who I am? There's nothing I wouldn't do. To have just one more chance. To look into your eyes and see you looking back.
Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you. For everything I just couldn't do. And I've hurt myself, oh...
If I had just one more day. I would tell you how much that I've missed you since you've been away. Oh, It's dangerous. It's so out of line to try and turn back time. I'm sorry for blaming you. For everything I just couldn't do. And I've hurt myself....by hurting you.

i'm sorry world... i can't be perfect...

2006-11-07T20:03:00.000-08:00

Hey peeps look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapprove all along
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that I'm alright
And you can't change me
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just not too late and We can go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my friend?
All the days you spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore
And now I try hard to make it I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright 'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just not too late and We can go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
But you don't understand
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just not too late and We can go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts foreverI'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just not too late and We can go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect

what has happen to me!!!!

2006-11-07T06:36:00.000-08:00

i don't know why i don't know how... but frankly i can even judge myself that i have changed a lot... ya... changed a lot... i am not talking about my physical self or even myself as a whole... i am talking about my attitude... what the hell happen man??? from the charming guy in secondary school to the jerk of the century... i am very popular with the girls in my secondary school but not in poly why ah??? man... what has happen to muhammad man... i mean me!!! where the hell do i drop my balls ah??? where is the old fun muhammad??? why the attitude man??? where is the happy go lucky muhammad whom every body in secondary school like??? whom in secondary 4 is the super-star of the school...

if you are in my cohort in secondary 4 you should know me... but seriously ah guys... i have change to be the i don't eve know how to describe myself... i know that i have changed but i am still this jerk... why man why??? i think i need some of my secondary school friends to show me back the way... can anybody tell me what i am like last time ah??? i like me last time but not now... i know i have mature but why this attitude???

for god's sake... even my mum, dad and my sister has tell me that i have changed... oh man... i really need to refine myself... maybe one day i will return back to my secondary school and go through back and also ask my teachers and people that i have made friends with in the school like the attendants in the school and ask some of my juniors about me what was i like last time...

i really need to change and refine back my attitude man... i know that i am 18 and i am still finding the best image, attitude and identity that suit me the best for the future but i think my evolution has gone astray... its not that i am losing friends or what, it is because to tell you guys the truth, i am a perfectionist... i love to achieve for perfection... once i target for something i will acheive it no matter what and no matter it will take me time to acheive it... and once people said that i have changed... i need to figure out what has happen to me and i really need to bring the old muhammad back and to let my poly friends to enjoy the old muhammad... but of course i will still refine it... so that it will stay relevent to myself...

because the muhammad last time is too happy go lucky oready until i regret some things that i do in my secondary school... as the saying goes... everything that you do have its advantage and its disadvantage... the old muhammad is a risk taker but not this muhammad... haiya... who says being me is easy... everyday i fight with myself just to make things right but it sometimes turns from bed to worst...

TO BE THE ROCK... I HAVE TO BE MYSELF... I HAVE TO HAVE CONTROL ON MYSELF... because everything i do, even if it is something that i think is good... it could do HARM to others...

for now... the first thing i will do is to pray and to reflect on myself... i can do it... may god bless me... and whatever good i am doing... insyallah... amin...

i am here without you baby...

2006-11-05T18:21:00.000-08:00

A hundred days had made me older since the last time that I've saw your pretty face
A thousand lights had made me colder and I don’t think I can look at this the same
But all the miles had separate
They disappear now when I’m dreaming of your face
I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight it’s only you and me
The miles just keep rollin as the people either way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated but I hope that it gets better as we go
I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it’s only you and me
Everything I know, and anywhere I go it gets hard but it won’t take away my love
And when the last one falls, when it’s all said and done it get hard but it won’t take away my love
I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it’s only you and me

humans... friends... reality...

2006-11-03T20:32:00.000-08:00

why must we humans spite and get jealous of each other when some one is just better then the other?

typical us humans... god give us brain for us to use it for our own greater good but we always use it to destroy others...

i am not talking about politic and the global current affairs you know... i am talking about all of us... including me somtimes... i do envy others when they are better than me but i did not talk bad things about them behind their backs like what some of you guys are doing right now...
i understand if girls do stuff like that... because that is called gossip and thats find with me... its also called social interaction... but when boys do things like that, plus let me remind you guys we are in polytechnic... not some secondary schools... why the attitude man?

let me remind you guys if boys start behaving like girls... no wonder they are more trans out there... no wonder girls now are becoming more successful then us... because all we boys think about now is dirty stuff and to spite each other... just when somebody is a bit famous and has the thing going on in the campus... there will always be a group of boys which i like to call them freaks of nature whom will spite and get malicious to bring down the successful guy...

DAMN I JUST "LOVE" IT WHEN THESE THINGS HAPPENS... you want to know why i love it?

i love it because when people start talking behind you or even wish to spite you... eventhough it is an evil thing to do... even though it maysometimes makes you lost your temper... but i think it is because of these people that you will constantly be the talk of the town and be known... it is because of these people that "advertise" you to make you more popular amongst people in RP... but i got only one advise... once you are in that situation, beware of anything that you do because if you do something stupid or bad, your reputation might be at risk and you will be turn overnight from the most talked about to the "pariah"... nobody will even notice you then!!!

keep your cool... these things that the other boys is doing to you is actually to fire you up to do something stupid or foolish... they know you have the power and skills... that is why they will try their best to provoke you... they will do all kinds of this that one could think about... for example they will try their best to make others think differently of you, like if you are muscular and very skilled in fighting... these freaks of nature will tell others that you are a gay or even go to the distance that they will try to break your friendship with your own friends... but only if your friends are your true and close friends only then they will not be influence by the freaks of nature because they know who you are... i understand not all friends are that strong, sometimes they also do get influence and can somtimes become your enemy...

so... another advise... just be yourself and make new friends and leave these freaks of nature behind... friends are every where... and if these freaks of nature still bothers you... then...

TAKE IT TO ANOTHER LEVEL....

i say take it to another level where you plan to fight back... i mean we are still human beings right? we are not angels... we have our limits... if these freak of nature still bothers... do not straight away fight them because you might be outnumbered...

think, plan and have patience... if you are skilled... use your force only when really needed because they might provoke you straight in the face, but they will like make it like a joke or something, trying to provoke you to get angry...

if you think you cannot handle this things alone and you do not want to get your parents involve, then talk to someone you REALLY TRUST... remember... REALLY TRUST... because in this unforgiving world even your best friend can be your enemy... talk to someone like your brother, sister or even your cousins... they will try their best to help you solve your problems because they are related to you by blood.. not by friendship, which can be broken easily... just REMEMBER THAT PLEASE...

maybe you guys wonder how i can talk about these things like they in the back of my hand... well... experiences tells it all... hahaha...

TO BEAT THE MAN... YOU'VE GOT TO BE THE MAN...

my life as a new pop star in RP... sigh

2006-11-02T01:59:00.000-08:00

presenting..... my new album release in RP... my manager is the cool joshua... my producers are the wonderful isaac, casey and shirley.... and not forgetting the faci and the support that i have from the whole class!!! my first concert in my class was a bomb man!!! my classmates cheer and wave around and the give the loudest cheer after my presentation... enough for the talking... maybe these pictures can explain more on my new career.... because as wise men says picture tells a thousand words... enjoy!!!

confession...

2006-10-31T22:21:00.000-08:00

MAN... i just which i can turn back time you know.... i just wish things can go smooth for me... if only i can turn back time... i would not do the stupid things that i did to hurt people and be arrogant... damn me man... it is just that i have done too many hurtful things and i am very paisei to confess and to ask for forgiveness or even to straighten back the situation... my arrogant has really taken a toll on me... people do make mistakes but the mistakes i did was too hurtful for those people whom i hurt... but... nvm.. i will try to reconcile back.. slowly.. using my own ways... i will try... i believe it will be alright again... i just need to be a little bit more confident and a little bit more less arrogant at handling these stuff... writing these confessing tiself have taken me days to think about it.... maybe this is what i deserve after hurting too many people and make a lot of mistakes... good luck to me and may god bless me in whatever i am doing... peace out!

for those of you who read this blog and is the one i offended in a way... let it be the past, present or even the future... I CANT SAY ENOUGH OF APOLOGISING... I KNOW WORDS CAN MEAN NOTHING.. BUT PLS.. TAKE THIS AS MY FIRST STEP OF EVOLVING...

YA.. IM STILL EVOLVING... i am giving myself one month to reduce my weight for about 3 kg at least.. now i am 80 kg.. so may god bless...

i am evolving my whole self... outside and inside... cause i need to change in order to be more mature and to stick to the advise my mum gave me... i will delete this post after i think i have made a little improvement... may god bless!

happy birthday mum!!!

2006-10-31T16:43:00.000-08:00

today is my mum's birthday!!! yes... the lady whom made the greatest sacrifice by having me as a son... i have infinite great things that i can talk about my mum... but since this is a blog i will only say the valuable things that she teaches me about life...
1) always be tough when facing with life problems...
2) always be sensitive, understand and be a true gentleman when handling people of the opposite sex...
3) be mature...
4) must have responsibility in myself and the things that i do...
5) abide to the teachings of ISLAM and dont be weaken by the test god send me...
6) always take life easy... dont make little things a burden...
7) have a good life...
8) always think of upgrading my life...
9) always be calm and relax whe facing problems...
10) actually theres tons of other advises she gave me that i will not share because i dont wan to share with you guys...

having a mum is great because from when the sole of your foot is about the size of your thumb, mum has always been taking care of us ever since... that is what i call true love... hahaha... i wonder if even my future girlfriend could treat me at least the same way as my mum did since 18 years ago... no girl in this world can match the love that my mum showered me ever since i am in her womb... i just hope and pray to god that i am able to at least repay a bit of the ultimate sacrifice she made... sob.. sob..

but frankly i am very sad to see that mums around the world is not getting the love and attention they needed... no need to say the whole world lah.. just look at us ourself... what we do everyday do we ever think once about our mum? when we are kissing and hugging and even constantly thinking of our boyfriend or girlfriend, do we ever even care kiss our mum at the chick even once to show our love to her? have we ever think about our mum? what we do everyday is to nag at them for not preparing the dinner or even worse case scenario, some even shout vulgar language and disowned their own mother!!!for god's sake my friends... at least think of the stuff that she do for us when we are little... do our BGR do that for us? even our BGR need thier parents to change diapers for them when their little!!! my advise to all of you who read my blog... be a man/woman... have responsibllity and if you cannot love your mums.. DONT EVEN THINK OF HAVING A GIRLFRIEND OR A BOYFRIEND... because if we don love our mum... we can do that too to our BGR... plus when we grow up and have our own family... you think that god will keep quiet is it? if you guys have belief you should know that whatever you guys do now.. your genes will be past down to your future generation and it will happen to you too DAMN IT!!!

well maybe you guys will be shock of this blog of mine... tell you another confession about me and one of my secrets... actually i love volunteering myself in community services like going and helping out at the old folks home and even the orphanage... ever time i have the invitation or the chance i love to volunteer myself to do these kind of services... i don ask for anything as a reward but the lessons i learned from mixing with these kind of people really open up my mind towards life... life is actually not something that we must take for granted because life is something much more valuable than money!!!

my conclusion advise is always think and love your mother and think about the things she sacrifice to let us have our life now... when you always think about these kind of stuff then you will create less sins and do less bad things in life because there is always like some kind of reminder in our head that what goes around, comes around... tell you frankly what i learn form my experiences... treat people the way you want to be treated... one more last advise... if you think about other people god will always think about you and your life will be like a breeze... good luck peeps!!!

i believe...

2006-10-31T02:33:00.000-08:00

i believe that i can do it... i believe in the impossible... i believe in overcoming all obstacle... i believe that i can achieve the sky if i believe... i believe that if one day the sky will meet the earth... i believe that one day all problems and complications will be solved... i believe that one day all those who have issues with me will be my friends... i believe that if i can dream and execute... i will be the best... i believe that if i try to be somone else... i will not succeed in life... i believe that if i wait for the right moment... i will have the correct choice... i believe that if i try... i will make it... i believe that if i do my best... i will shine my light for all to see... i believe that that moment will come if i believe...

secrets...

2006-10-31T02:09:00.000-08:00

i am but a normal human being... i am but a young man trying to find his way around... i am but a student trying to get his Diploma... i am but a guy who has a lot of secret in him... i am but a lost soul... i am but a guy who really wishes to find his true purpose in life... i am but a guy who almost lost his ways... i am but a guy who always masked a happy face but have a thousand sorrows to cry for... i am but the guy who people see as interesting and bright but have a thousand secrets to unveal... i am not the one that people think i am the one...

if only people understand me... if only this world doesn't revolve on wolves masking like a goat... if only i can read and think what people does... if only this unforgiving world treats me kindly... if only i am but a freak of nature... if only i am but a black belt... if only circumstances side with me...

i am but a normal human being... forgive me for being me...

UNFAITHFUL

2006-10-30T06:03:00.000-08:00

story in my life
searching for the right
but it keeps avoiding
me
sorrow in my soul
'cause it seems that
wrong
really loves my company
she's more than a girl
and this is more than
love
the reason that the sky
is blue
the clouds are rollin' in
because i'm gone again
and to her i just can't
be true
and i know that she
knows i'm unfaithful
and it kills her inside
to know that i am
happy with some other
girl
i can see her dyin'
i don't wanna do this
anymore
i don't wanna be the
reason why
everytime i walk out
the door
i see her die a little
more inside
i don't wanna hurt her
anymore
i don't wanna take
away her life
i don't wanna be a
murderer...
our love
her trust
i might as well take a
gun
and put it to my head
get it over with
i don't wanna do this
anymore
Ooooh...
a murderer
no no no
yeah yeah...

sigh* im just joking... hehehe
trying to make an impression...
trying to act cute as usual... you guys know me...

my interest in outer space...

2006-10-29T04:44:00.000-08:00

since primary one when my dad first bought me a book about the outer space, i have fallen in love with it and i have found it to be very interesting... just like me.. i am very interesting.. space too is very interesting...

since the first book my dad bought me i have been asking my dad to buy me more books on space... i even collect my own pocket money to buy myself books about space... but my interest is not only about space.. i love history like it is my own little brother because i think that history is what that makes us humans now and not like animals last time when we fight for world conquest like nobodys business and enslaving people like life have no value...

but now i just want to talk about my interest in space... the outer space is a vacuum space whereby not even air exist! can you people believe it? outer space have no air! then how do we have air in the first place? do you guys like ever wonder how do space first come from in the beginning? how does the BIG BANG theory is being created when nobody's alive at that time? do you guys ever wonder that all the stuff you guys read about outer space in books is just an imaginary statement made by the scientists? well... actually i have made some research on my own and i found out that the scientists coming up with statements and things about the outer space is actually just an imaginary imagination that the scientists make!!! maybe for some of you this maybe confusing because you guys dont really care about this things and take this kind of things for granted... i understand that in this age this kind of stuff does not matter because finding girlfriends and finding boy friends are the top main priority for you guys... i understand... i am like that too but i dont take things for granted and i would like to know and to question the hows and whys about things around us... for me there are more important things that we as youth to take care of like the world current affairs now and the ever aggresive effect of global warming that we ourselve created it... do you guys know that even smoking actually does contribute to the global warming!!! the smoke that you guys puff out have actually the same content as the cars exaust pipe!!! it is a very bad kind of carbon dioxide release from the puff that have extra substance that actually contribute to global warming... frankly the smoke you guys puff is not even catagorise as carbon dioxide scientifically...(for your info) you guys just want to act cool smoking and stuff thinking that the world will notice you if you smoke... but the reality is that your killing yourself and the people around you... this maybe offensive to some of you reading this but this is the fact my friends, and i apologise if your feelings are hurt...

back to the things about space... as a muslim... i have been taught about science in the eyes of a muslim... we believe in god... and the holy Quran have all the information that we need to know about everything in life... including about the outer space... to tell you guys frankly... i am still researching the holy Quran about space and its purpose but i have manage to find some info about it through my religious teachers and some islamic books about the existence of space... i will write again if i have really found out about this big mystery about space and its purpose in this reality...

i hope that this little insight that i have will be your reading pleasure and i will write more about the things that most of my teenage friends take for granted...

a thank you blog to all my friends for your advises

2006-10-28T23:36:00.000-07:00

thank you very much to all my friends that help me in my time of needs. some of you advise me directly, some of you advise me through MSN, some of you advise me through e-mails and some of you advise me through other mediums...

again i want to say thank you very much... only god can bless you guys for your deeds...

true friends are hard to find in this unforgiving world that is full of uncertain things between us humans...

PS: my email is publish at Suria Segar today... thank you firdaus for telling me.. if not i also don't know...

i think your rite lah zee... life is for us to enjoy not to suffer... we life live just once... just once...

2006-10-27T09:03:00.000-07:00

why didnt i think of it much more earlier ah... im just 18... theres still a life time of experience for me to enjoy my life!!! i am the king of my own life!! i make my own decision...

well all this while i have been able to pass through this kind of feeling not once but a few times... but i do not know why i cannot handle this DILLEMA now...

i think i have grown soft lah... well thanks for the advise my friend and also to the others whom advise me on my DILLEMA... now then i know who and whom is my true friends... true friends will help us when we are in trouble but friends will help us only if there is a something for them to gain... thanks again for making me realise this... i think that poly life have really change my prospective and my attitude has change towards my life...

well... THE ROCK shoulnt be weaken by DILLEMA... THE ROCK control his own destiny and THE ROCK is THE ROCK... you know what i mean... and zee... i am no longer THE PEBBLE...
hahaha...

well... this is the month of syawal and it should be a happy month for me and i shouldnt get too emo on stuff like DILLEMA...

haiyah... i think this is life ah and this things that make us mature...

the night before hari raya

2006-10-23T07:47:00.000-07:00

well... i feel a mixtures of feelings now as the month of ramadan is ending and the starting of my busy life will get back to me. but this time, it will be different, i will have new challenges and new things to handle. why i feel so sad during hari raya it is because ramadan is leaving and after this i will be ever busy again with more than 2 IGs to handle and quite a lot of other self or personal stuff to do. i got a lot of comment from my friends from other polys stating that i am crazy having more than 2 CCA but frankly i fell very satisfied with it because this is the time where i really prepare myself for my future responsibilities. i just hope and pray and also hope for those reading my blog now to pray and to wish for me so that i would not fall sick and so that i would constantly be a rugged young man i am now.

god create humans for a purpose in life. frankly i don really know my true purpose in life i mean my purpose in life not in the after life because i am a muslim and one of the duties of a muslim is to pray and thank god for all the blessings and gifts that god constantly give me.

but i am a normal human being and i have my weakness and other not so good stuff... so i take this opportunity to wish a very happy depavali and selamat hari raya to all my friends from these two religion and race.... guys.. wish u for the best in life and hope to meet u guys in school and outside if we are fated to meet... hahaha... peace out!!!

*Welcome To My Life*